The Usual Questions

Why are you doing this?

I dunno. It's fun. I guess a more complete answer is here. But really- It's fun. Try it. You'll see.

I could never do that. 

That's not a question. 

Stop being an ass and tell me I'm wrong. 

Okay. You're wrong. If you can bike a mile, then you can bike two. Anyone who can do two can easily do five. If you can do five, then twenty isn't out of the question. And if you can do twenty- well, you're all set. 

How do you know what to pack?

I don't. But I figure it out as I go along. It's remarkable how little you need on a tour like this. I started with approximately 45 pounds of "stuff." I've cut those pounds in half now. Laptop, cell phone, and external battery are important for me. Underwear isn't. The kindness of strangers doesn't way a thing- that's clutch. 

Where did you start? Where are you going?

In 2016 I started in Yorktown, Virginia and wound up in San Francisco, CA. In 2017, I started in Oslo, Norway... and no real sense of where I'm going. 

You're crazy. 

Again, that's not a question. 

Are you crazy?

No. I don't think so. 

I could never do that. 

We already went through this. 

Are you alone?

Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. It's easy to meet people when you're alone. And there's a lot of support at home. I think it may be impossible to cross the United States alone- you depend on people for things. People help you reach goals. I don't think many people achieve goals alone. 

Did you pack spare tires?

First of all, you mean "tubes." Not many people pack spare tires. Second of all, I might not be all that bright, but of course I packed f***ing tubes. Seriously? You think I'm going to travel with a laptop but screw the tubes? Why do so many people ask this? 

Where do you sleep?

Wherever. I often prefer camping in a town park (playground with tunnels or swinging bridges are particularly comfy) over staying at someone's house. This way, I don't worry about waking a person or disrupting his/her/their schedule. But firehouses and churches are particularly accommodating as well. Occasionally a motel or two, but that's indulgent and not really necessary unless you're in a city. 

Isn't it scary? Sleeping around strangers or in a park?


How do you go to the bathroom?

The same way you do, I assume. Sometimes I get fancy during a #1 and try to write my initials in the dirt, but the letters "J" and "Q" are hard to pull off. I've never been entirely successful. 

What's the hardest part?

There's something hard and challenging about every day. So every day is the hardest part. I'm not an athlete, but I don't mind pushing myself. Still, I'm not gonna lie- it's hard. In the U.S., every state had its distinct challenges. The climbs in Utah were quite brutal. The wind in Kansas kicked my ass quite a bit. The humidity of Missouri was a tough battle. But every day was also rewarding. Maybe only one or two "bad" days, but every day is difficult for sure. 

How can you afford this? Are you independently wealthy? 

No. I'm a middle school teacher with poor money management skills. I'm chronically broke. But I get summers off. And don't you dare be one of those people who says that it must be easy being a teacher because we get summers off. I will punch you in your nose if you ever say that to me. I assure you, I work incessantly throughout the school year.  

Don't you get bored or lonely?

No. I'm a loner who is social. A social loner. I'm okay with being alone- I prefer it. But I like being around people too, even if I'm not talking to them. It's weird, I guess. 

How far do you go in one day?

There are too many variables to describe an "average" day. But I guess if you broke it down 75 miles seems like a typical day. I dunno. Does it matter? One day I only did 35 and stopped because of weather. I felt like a failure. Another day I only did 35 but crossed a huge mountain. I felt like a champ. 

How did you come to be so good lookin'?


Can I help with anything?

Yes. Make a seven dollar donation trough Paypal. Some vehicles run on gas. Mine runs on beer. Help fill the tank. 

No comments:

Post a Comment