Day: 1 Oslo, Norway to Tønsberg, Norway
Average Speed: 15.3 km/h (<10 MPH... pretty damn slow. I blame Google)
Miles Cycled Today: 88.3 km (55 Miles)
Miles Cycled Total: About 103 km (64 Miles)
Mood: Surprisingly Confident, until I realized Kilometers aren't Mile
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| Biking Bear at Pride Festival |
I'm not a morning person. But I always dreamt of becoming one. So night after night, I set my alarm super early with the hopes that I will suddenly morph into the beautiful butterfly that I associate with morning people. I'm in total denial.
Problem is, my alarm is excruciatingly loud. And super unpleasant. It's very Duck-and-Cover-esque. Or perhaps even Duck-and-Shit-Yourself-esque. One of those.
The only person unaffected by its awfulness is me. When I'm in DreamLand, I'll be damned if I can't find a way to turn that air-raid alert into a seductive siren song and lure myself back to sleep.
However, when you're in a hostel bunking in a room with five other strangers, it's wrong to assume they share that same skill.
After the first night, I joked about it.
Me: "Hey- Did you guys hear my alarm going of at 7 AM this morning?"
Cot #1: "Yes."
Cot #2: "Yes. And 7:15. And 7:30."
Me: "Sorry 'bout that! Just wanted to get an early start to the day is all!"
Cot #3: "You're the only one who didn't get an early start to the day."
Me: "...at least I don't snore!"
Cot #1: "Yes. Yes you do."
Cot #5: "And fart."
This is much funnier if you can hear the variety of accents and watch them try to find the English words to politely express their collective disdain.
So when an alarm went off at 7:30 AM this morning, they all stared at me. Girl on Cot #3 threw a pillow. I raised my phone up high, both triumphantly and groggily explaining that it wasn't mine. After some confusion, we eventually realized it was an actual fire alarm. My five bunkmates dutifully left the room. I rolled over and shut my eyes.
The Argentinian guy in Cot #5 forced me out of bed and made me march down the stairs in my undies with the rest of them.
When we were sent back to our rooms after a false alarm was called, I gave him the hairy eyeball, which said "See? I knew it was a false alarm!" before we all collapsed back into our respective bunks.
My alarm went off fifteen minutes later.
As a teacher, I am totally desensitized to fire alarms. The number of times we practice walking out of a building in a single year borders on absurd. And we're always supposed to walk in an orderly fashion without talking at all. Is that how we'd realistically react to a building ablaze? I say we practice screaming and shoving each other out of the way. That makes more sense.
So teachers are generally annoyed by fire alarms- not thankful for them.
Have you ever been in a public shopping center when the fire alarm goes off? Who rushes to the exit? No one.
Understandably, other cultures might not understand a lack of reaction to a potentially life-saving alarm.
Anyway, I did get up early (more to prove that my alarm was, in fact, necessary), and got a solid start to the day.
OSLO, NORWAY to TØNSBERG, NORWAY:
According to Google Maps, there were two ways I could've gone to Tønsberg. One way included a ferry and seemed to hug the shoreline, the other way stayed more inland.
I opted for the former. Sounded more scenic.
But you'd be surprised how intricate Google gets when it provides a bike route. The Google likes to take you into some strange, strange places. Let's check out just a few of the "road" surfaces Google suggested today:
SURFACE #1: PAVED ROAD
My Review: Gee, Google this is swell. I give it a B-. My only complaint is that the shoulder isn't quite wide enough to cycle on, and it seems like a limited view for automobiles. Can you imagine if that were fixed! Like if there were a paved bike path that paralleled the road? Wow! That would be nearly perfect!
SURFACE #2: PAVED BIKE PATH
My Review: Hey, Goog! Not a bad choice at all! I give it a solid A. You obviously took my advice to heart. Sure it jumps from one side of the main road to the other and can be a bit hard to follow sometimes, but good job Googie! Way to take constructive criticism and turn it into a gem!
SURFACE #3: COBBLESTONE
My Review: Hey, G-G-G-G-G-Goog-. Is it s-s-something I s-s-s-aid? This is r-r-r-really b-bumpy and m-m-my bags k-k-keep falling off. I'm s-s-sorry I c-c-complained a-b-b-bout the p-p-aved path ch-changing s-s-ides of the r-r-r-oad. Also... the c-c-obblestone is l-l-loosening my b-b-b-owels.
SURFACE #4: Gravel / Dirt Bike Path
SURFACE #6: Grass path that goes directly through people's lawns.
It was a fun day. Lots of hills, but none of the soreness I associated with last year's beginning days. Also, none of the dread when climbing. I only went 55 miles or so, but that was the goal- in order to meet another friend.
Although Christina and her family told me where to find the key to the house, I was perfectly content napping in their driveway on a cool, beautiful evening and waiting for their arrival. I was out cold in minutes, and I didn't even hear their car pull up.
Their oldest son, Didrik, was wholly unaware that his mother was able to speak in tongues (she and John are both fluent in English but don't often speak it around him), and was fascinated. He wanted nothing else then to entertain the guy who talked funny in his house (i.e. me).
We eventually settled on air hockey, and he beat me soundly 10-7 (I think I had 9 points, but arguing with a four-year-old who doesn't speak your language seems rather purposeless... but just so you know, I had 9 points.).
A lot of laughter, a lot of reminiscing, and some pretty damn good wine, thanks to Berg (Christina's brother). It was hard to pull myself away at 12:15 AM so I could write this before heading off to bed.
Berg is going to bike with me tomorrow for the first 20 km. He looks like he's in damn good shape. I think his goal was to ply me with wine and keep me up late solely to make me look bad tomorrow in comparison.
But the joke's gonna be on him.
I'll be up, stretched, showered, and ready to go first thing in the morning.
'Cuz my alarm is set for 7 A.M.
P.S.
Problem is, my alarm is excruciatingly loud. And super unpleasant. It's very Duck-and-Cover-esque. Or perhaps even Duck-and-Shit-Yourself-esque. One of those.
The only person unaffected by its awfulness is me. When I'm in DreamLand, I'll be damned if I can't find a way to turn that air-raid alert into a seductive siren song and lure myself back to sleep.
However, when you're in a hostel bunking in a room with five other strangers, it's wrong to assume they share that same skill.
After the first night, I joked about it.
Me: "Hey- Did you guys hear my alarm going of at 7 AM this morning?"
Cot #1: "Yes."
Cot #2: "Yes. And 7:15. And 7:30."
Me: "Sorry 'bout that! Just wanted to get an early start to the day is all!"
Cot #3: "You're the only one who didn't get an early start to the day."
Me: "...at least I don't snore!"
Cot #1: "Yes. Yes you do."
Cot #5: "And fart."
This is much funnier if you can hear the variety of accents and watch them try to find the English words to politely express their collective disdain.
So when an alarm went off at 7:30 AM this morning, they all stared at me. Girl on Cot #3 threw a pillow. I raised my phone up high, both triumphantly and groggily explaining that it wasn't mine. After some confusion, we eventually realized it was an actual fire alarm. My five bunkmates dutifully left the room. I rolled over and shut my eyes.
 |
| Someone Didn't Read This Sign. Wasn't Me. I was Asleep. |
The Argentinian guy in Cot #5 forced me out of bed and made me march down the stairs in my undies with the rest of them.
When we were sent back to our rooms after a false alarm was called, I gave him the hairy eyeball, which said "See? I knew it was a false alarm!" before we all collapsed back into our respective bunks.
My alarm went off fifteen minutes later.
As a teacher, I am totally desensitized to fire alarms. The number of times we practice walking out of a building in a single year borders on absurd. And we're always supposed to walk in an orderly fashion without talking at all. Is that how we'd realistically react to a building ablaze? I say we practice screaming and shoving each other out of the way. That makes more sense.
So teachers are generally annoyed by fire alarms- not thankful for them.
Have you ever been in a public shopping center when the fire alarm goes off? Who rushes to the exit? No one.
Understandably, other cultures might not understand a lack of reaction to a potentially life-saving alarm.
Anyway, I did get up early (more to prove that my alarm was, in fact, necessary), and got a solid start to the day.
 |
| Today's Route |
OSLO, NORWAY to TØNSBERG, NORWAY:
According to Google Maps, there were two ways I could've gone to Tønsberg. One way included a ferry and seemed to hug the shoreline, the other way stayed more inland.
I opted for the former. Sounded more scenic.
 |
| Today's Elevation Profile |
But you'd be surprised how intricate Google gets when it provides a bike route. The Google likes to take you into some strange, strange places. Let's check out just a few of the "road" surfaces Google suggested today:
SURFACE #1: PAVED ROAD
My Review: Gee, Google this is swell. I give it a B-. My only complaint is that the shoulder isn't quite wide enough to cycle on, and it seems like a limited view for automobiles. Can you imagine if that were fixed! Like if there were a paved bike path that paralleled the road? Wow! That would be nearly perfect!
SURFACE #2: PAVED BIKE PATH
My Review: Hey, Goog! Not a bad choice at all! I give it a solid A. You obviously took my advice to heart. Sure it jumps from one side of the main road to the other and can be a bit hard to follow sometimes, but good job Googie! Way to take constructive criticism and turn it into a gem!
SURFACE #3: COBBLESTONE
My Review: Hey, G-G-G-G-G-Goog-. Is it s-s-something I s-s-s-aid? This is r-r-r-really b-bumpy and m-m-my bags k-k-keep falling off. I'm s-s-sorry I c-c-complained a-b-b-bout the p-p-aved path ch-changing s-s-ides of the r-r-r-oad. Also... the c-c-obblestone is l-l-loosening my b-b-b-owels.
SURFACE #4: Gravel / Dirt Bike Path
My Review: Thanks, Google. I appreciate you getting me off the cobblestone and waiting patiently for me outside the public restroom. I am going to go ahead and give this path an A+. Not because I mean it- it's actually quite slow, and slippery- but because I don't want to anger you into providing a shittier surface. Thank you for the Gravel / Dirt Bike Path suggestion Mr. Google. I appreciate you.
SURFACE #5: EXTREMELY NARROW FOOT PATH WITH LOTS OF ROCKS.
My Review: WTF GOOGLE? HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS EVEN EXISTS? HOW IS THIS IN YOUR DATA BASE? WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME TO TAKE THIS?
DO YOU SEE THE LUGGAGE I HAVE ON THE BACK OF MY BIKE? DO YOU? DO YOU, GOOG? WHEN HAS THIS PATH EVER BEEN A GOOD IDEA?!?!
NOT FUNNY, GOOG. NOT. FUNNY.
SURFACE #6: Grass path that goes directly through people's lawns.
My Review:
you're sleeping on the couch tonight google.
SURFACE #7: BOARDWALK.
My Review: I accept you're apology. No really, I do. Come back to bed, Google. It's late. We're both tired. No, Google, it's my fault. I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. Really, a boardwalk? You shouldn't have. It's too sweet. Too smooth. The sounds of seagulls, the children's laughter, the smell of salt? It is I who should apologize, Google. I'm ever so sorry. Don't leave me. Ever again. You're my rock.
So, anyway.
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| "...Norway's Oldest Town" |
I had Reunion #2 today with Christina Grefsrud-Halvorsen- yet another Norwegian with whom I traveled back in 2000. It's shocking to think that it's 17 years since we've last seen one another- and she, her fiance John, her brother Berg, and her two lovely children welcomed me to Tønsberg, Norway.
In case you can't figure out the text in the accompanying picture, Tønsberg is "...widely considered" to be the oldest town in Norway.
For the record, I'm extremely leary of people using superlatives to describe pretty much anything, especially when it comes to towns.
"Our town has the tallest building whose name starts with an X!"
"Our town has the oldest brewery in the world that used sacrificial pigs as an ingredient!"
"Our town has produced Thornton Wilder's 'Our Town' more than any other town in the history of towns!"
etc.
"Our town has produced Thornton Wilder's 'Our Town' more than any other town in the history of towns!"
etc.
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| Beautiful Downtown Tønsberg |
But for real, Tønsberg is pretty old. And still lookin' just fine. If I ever look this good when I'm her age, you ain't gonna hear me complainin'!
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| Everything in Norway is this Tidy. |
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| Outside Christina's House |
Although Christina and her family told me where to find the key to the house, I was perfectly content napping in their driveway on a cool, beautiful evening and waiting for their arrival. I was out cold in minutes, and I didn't even hear their car pull up.
Their oldest son, Didrik, was wholly unaware that his mother was able to speak in tongues (she and John are both fluent in English but don't often speak it around him), and was fascinated. He wanted nothing else then to entertain the guy who talked funny in his house (i.e. me).
We eventually settled on air hockey, and he beat me soundly 10-7 (I think I had 9 points, but arguing with a four-year-old who doesn't speak your language seems rather purposeless... but just so you know, I had 9 points.).
A lot of laughter, a lot of reminiscing, and some pretty damn good wine, thanks to Berg (Christina's brother). It was hard to pull myself away at 12:15 AM so I could write this before heading off to bed.
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| 17 Years Later... |
But the joke's gonna be on him.
I'll be up, stretched, showered, and ready to go first thing in the morning.
'Cuz my alarm is set for 7 A.M.
P.S.
What does this mean?
"In Case of Tsunami, Run Down a Stone Hill into the Valley of Your Certain Death!"
