Day: 14 (Dresden, Germany to Oparno, Czech Republic)
Average Speed: 17 km/hour (10.5 mph)
Distance Cycled Today: 106.1 km (65 Miles)
Distance Cycled Total: 1345 km (835 Miles)
Mood: Chillin'
I'm starting to accept that I have a snoring issue.
I have difficulty accepting as truth things that are presented without evidence.
When I started stirring at 8 AM this morning, the first thing Jamie said was "Dude. You kept the entire campground awake last night with your snoring."
Our neighbor who was brewing coffee next store smiled and nodded in agreement- but it was one of those smiles that comes with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. An I'm-Not-Angry-But-Holy-Shit-You-Are-Obnoxious smile. I know this type of smile. I teach middle school.
Besides, back in Berlin the evidence was recorded. I can't deny it anymore.These are inhuman sounds. It doesn't even fall in the snoring category. And while I am completely humiliated by this video, I feel compelled to share it.
After eating crow and accepting the cup of coffee our neighbor offered (pretty sure she offered it so I wouldn't go back to sleep), it was "Time to Start the Day."
The phrase "Time to Start the Day" has a bit of a sarcastic meaning. It refers to the fact that I never get the early start I hope for. Back in the U.S.A. tour, Jamie would often start his day at about 6 AM. I would usually start pedaling just before noon or so. But my (bad? great?) habits of lazily approaching a cycle route eventually rubbed off, and by California, he had converted to my schedule much to his chagrin.
We had good intentions today. I mean, I was up by 8:30. But here are a list of things that kept us from getting to our destination at a reasonable time:
1) My rear tire. It's about to explode. Not the tube... I have spare tubes. The tire. The same tire I was bragging about yesterday. Hard to tell by the picture, but that is a disaster waiting to happen. But hey! We're in Dresden! There's a cycle shop on every corner!
As long as it's not Sunday.
And- with the exception of gas stations and cafes- Europe is closed on Sundays.
So the search for a cycle shop was a waste of time.
I'm shocked it made it through today. Crossing fingers that it makes it to Prague now.
2) Breakfast. We finished our McDonald's breakfast at 10:27 A.M. I know the exact time because it was three minutes before the menu was due to change, and we thought about hanging out for the "Bang-Bang." A Bang-Bang refers to consuming one entire meal, then having an entirely different meal right after. It's better described by Louis CK and Bob Kelly:
In this case, it was a Breakfast Bang-Bang we were hoping for. My friend George mastered the art of the Dinner Bang-Bang back in Berlin. It was nothing short of impressive to witness.
The McDonald's menu didn't change on time though. So we left, saddened.
3) Heading the Entirely Wrong Direction. We knew our goal was to follow the river... but when you flip a coin to determine which way you'll follow it...
4) Harley Davidson Festival. Are we supposed to cycle next to thousands of Harleys through the streets of Dresden? That'd be more humiliating than my snoring. Besides, my little Ding! Ding! bell that warns pedestrians I'm behind them is no match for a lack of mufflers. Better to stand there and watch like everybody else.
6) Cycling through a Crowded Festival. Impossible. But also impossible to be frustrated. Especially when it's one of the rare times you see Germans smiling when you're not having a personal conversation with them.
But I really can't complain about a day like today... it wasn't a perfect ride, but there wasn't a bad thing about it. Sometimes, it's hard to remember that the goal is not high mileage. And it's not speed.
It's enjoyment.
I'm neither keeping track of nor trying to break personal records.
Besides, what's the point when you never know what's around the next corner?
It's not easy hauling an absurdly heavy bicycle through forests, up stairs, and across suddenly non-existent paths.
And if a few seconds of rock music disrupted an oncoming cyclist's Sunday, I'd hate to think what having to cross five or six sets of stairs would do to him/her.
We're not taking the bait.
Bring on the goddam stairs. 'Cause that's frickin' hysterical.
And when we get to the campground that smells more-than-slightly of sewage, charges double the price that it advertises online, and features a clientele that is somewhat reminiscent of Deliverance, we'll laugh even harder.
Because I saw this today:
And this.
And this.
And there's not a reason I can think of to suppress the fact that I enjoyed a Sunday.
 |
| "Door Art" at tonight's campground. |
I'm starting to accept that I have a snoring issue.
I have difficulty accepting as truth things that are presented without evidence.
When I started stirring at 8 AM this morning, the first thing Jamie said was "Dude. You kept the entire campground awake last night with your snoring."
Our neighbor who was brewing coffee next store smiled and nodded in agreement- but it was one of those smiles that comes with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. An I'm-Not-Angry-But-Holy-Shit-You-Are-Obnoxious smile. I know this type of smile. I teach middle school.
Besides, back in Berlin the evidence was recorded. I can't deny it anymore.These are inhuman sounds. It doesn't even fall in the snoring category. And while I am completely humiliated by this video, I feel compelled to share it.
After eating crow and accepting the cup of coffee our neighbor offered (pretty sure she offered it so I wouldn't go back to sleep), it was "Time to Start the Day."
The phrase "Time to Start the Day" has a bit of a sarcastic meaning. It refers to the fact that I never get the early start I hope for. Back in the U.S.A. tour, Jamie would often start his day at about 6 AM. I would usually start pedaling just before noon or so. But my (bad? great?) habits of lazily approaching a cycle route eventually rubbed off, and by California, he had converted to my schedule much to his chagrin.
We had good intentions today. I mean, I was up by 8:30. But here are a list of things that kept us from getting to our destination at a reasonable time:
 |
| It's gonna blow. |
As long as it's not Sunday.
And- with the exception of gas stations and cafes- Europe is closed on Sundays.
So the search for a cycle shop was a waste of time.
I'm shocked it made it through today. Crossing fingers that it makes it to Prague now.
2) Breakfast. We finished our McDonald's breakfast at 10:27 A.M. I know the exact time because it was three minutes before the menu was due to change, and we thought about hanging out for the "Bang-Bang." A Bang-Bang refers to consuming one entire meal, then having an entirely different meal right after. It's better described by Louis CK and Bob Kelly:
In this case, it was a Breakfast Bang-Bang we were hoping for. My friend George mastered the art of the Dinner Bang-Bang back in Berlin. It was nothing short of impressive to witness.
The McDonald's menu didn't change on time though. So we left, saddened.
3) Heading the Entirely Wrong Direction. We knew our goal was to follow the river... but when you flip a coin to determine which way you'll follow it...
 |
| But your saddle's not green... so there... |
4) Harley Davidson Festival. Are we supposed to cycle next to thousands of Harleys through the streets of Dresden? That'd be more humiliating than my snoring. Besides, my little Ding! Ding! bell that warns pedestrians I'm behind them is no match for a lack of mufflers. Better to stand there and watch like everybody else.
5) The Actual Breakfast Bang-Bang. One last bratwurst before we head out of Germany? How could you say "Nein!" to that?
 |
| Bouncy House was tempting... |
6) Cycling through a Crowded Festival. Impossible. But also impossible to be frustrated. Especially when it's one of the rare times you see Germans smiling when you're not having a personal conversation with them.
7) The Search for Supplies. Like I said, everything is closed except for gas stations and cafes. And finding a gas station with a market is not as easy as you may think.
8) Nature Calling. One consequence of a Bang-Bang I suppose.
9) Incidental Things. Picture taking. Putting hoodie on. Taking hoodie off. Ice cream. That kind of stuff.
All of this happened before leaving Dresden.
By 1:00 PM, it was Time to Start the Day.
Just how I like it.
As a result, today's ride was not the 90 miler we were hoping for but it was probably the most beautiful ride thus far.(side note: my odometer is off by about 10%... actually pedaled 73 miles today... I started noticing this in Sweden, but that's too much math for me to fix. Just add 10% to whatever it says at the top of the post.)
In the 46 seconds of research I completed before starting this trip, I learned one thing: follow rivers. They're populated with towns, they're scenic, they offer paved cycle paths, and they avoid unnecessarily steep climbs.
I was confident we were following the Oder river, and I caught some funny looks when I was talking about our route plans with campers last night.
Turns out it's the Elbe.
There are tons of four-letter European rivers. ODER. ELBE. OISE. ORNE. AARE. ARNO. RUHR. AVON. EBRO. URAL. AIRE. Those are just the ones off the top of my head. There's a bunch more.
I know this from doing crosswords.
Problem is, my geography sucks, and I never know which is which... so the clues don't help.
I mix up ODER and ELBE fairly regularly since they're both often clued as "German border river."
Had this been an American cycle path on a Sunday near a major city, it would've been jam-packed with Weekend Warriors. Lance Armstrongs trying to beat personal records and whatnot.
Our panniers, somewhat lazy pace, and inability to ride in a straight line while checking out the sights would've pissed them off.
But those types were few and far between. Indeed, it was jam-packed... but with families and couples simply enjoying the day.
That is to say, I assume they were enjoying the day.
They weren't smiling, talking, or laughing.
It was more of a NOW IS THE TIME THAT I GO AND ENJOY A SUNDAY atmosphere... but that's cool.
Our minor infraction of the day was Jamie's music. One of his upgrades to his bicycle since last year includes a bluetooth speaker that can be heard within a twenty meter radius. As we enjoyed Blink 182, Green Day, and Weezer, couples heading the other way were clearly disgusted with this.
They stared at us with downcast eyebrows and squinty eyes and mouths puckered like they just involuntarily swallowed a Lemon Warhead candy. The kind of look that says "YOU'VE DISRUPTED MY SUNDAY ENJOYMENT TIME FOR 1.67 SECONDS!"
These are most likely the same people who'd be wonderful to talk with if we engaged in a conversation. But that's how it seems to be here.
I don't talk with you = I judge you negatively.
I talk with you = What's mine is yours.
I'll be damned if we were crossing the train tracks on red in front of a group of rule-abiding Germans when there wasn't a train in sight.
We crossed over the Elbe and into the Czech Republic at some point...
The tourist shop at the border offered nothing having to do with the Czech Republic....
By 1:00 PM, it was Time to Start the Day.
Just how I like it.
 |
| Me- cycling along the Elbe River (Photo Credit Jamie) |
As a result, today's ride was not the 90 miler we were hoping for but it was probably the most beautiful ride thus far.(side note: my odometer is off by about 10%... actually pedaled 73 miles today... I started noticing this in Sweden, but that's too much math for me to fix. Just add 10% to whatever it says at the top of the post.)
In the 46 seconds of research I completed before starting this trip, I learned one thing: follow rivers. They're populated with towns, they're scenic, they offer paved cycle paths, and they avoid unnecessarily steep climbs.
I was confident we were following the Oder river, and I caught some funny looks when I was talking about our route plans with campers last night. Turns out it's the Elbe.
There are tons of four-letter European rivers. ODER. ELBE. OISE. ORNE. AARE. ARNO. RUHR. AVON. EBRO. URAL. AIRE. Those are just the ones off the top of my head. There's a bunch more.
I know this from doing crosswords.
Problem is, my geography sucks, and I never know which is which... so the clues don't help.
I mix up ODER and ELBE fairly regularly since they're both often clued as "German border river."
 |
| TODAY IS THE DAY THAT I ENJOY SUNDAY! |
Our panniers, somewhat lazy pace, and inability to ride in a straight line while checking out the sights would've pissed them off.
But those types were few and far between. Indeed, it was jam-packed... but with families and couples simply enjoying the day.
That is to say, I assume they were enjoying the day.
They weren't smiling, talking, or laughing.
It was more of a NOW IS THE TIME THAT I GO AND ENJOY A SUNDAY atmosphere... but that's cool.
Our minor infraction of the day was Jamie's music. One of his upgrades to his bicycle since last year includes a bluetooth speaker that can be heard within a twenty meter radius. As we enjoyed Blink 182, Green Day, and Weezer, couples heading the other way were clearly disgusted with this.
They stared at us with downcast eyebrows and squinty eyes and mouths puckered like they just involuntarily swallowed a Lemon Warhead candy. The kind of look that says "YOU'VE DISRUPTED MY SUNDAY ENJOYMENT TIME FOR 1.67 SECONDS!"
 |
| Don't know which is more distracting... waiting at a premature red light, or the man bun. |
These are most likely the same people who'd be wonderful to talk with if we engaged in a conversation. But that's how it seems to be here.
I don't talk with you = I judge you negatively.
I talk with you = What's mine is yours.
I'll be damned if we were crossing the train tracks on red in front of a group of rule-abiding Germans when there wasn't a train in sight.
We crossed over the Elbe and into the Czech Republic at some point...
The tourist shop at the border offered nothing having to do with the Czech Republic....
But I really can't complain about a day like today... it wasn't a perfect ride, but there wasn't a bad thing about it. Sometimes, it's hard to remember that the goal is not high mileage. And it's not speed.
It's enjoyment.
I'm neither keeping track of nor trying to break personal records.
Besides, what's the point when you never know what's around the next corner?
 |
| THESE STAIRS ARE ACTUALLY PART OF THE CYCLE ROUTE. |
It's not easy hauling an absurdly heavy bicycle through forests, up stairs, and across suddenly non-existent paths.
And if a few seconds of rock music disrupted an oncoming cyclist's Sunday, I'd hate to think what having to cross five or six sets of stairs would do to him/her.
We're not taking the bait.
Bring on the goddam stairs. 'Cause that's frickin' hysterical.
 |
| CHEERS FOR THE BEER MICHELLE FOWLER AND FAMILY! |
And when we get to the campground that smells more-than-slightly of sewage, charges double the price that it advertises online, and features a clientele that is somewhat reminiscent of Deliverance, we'll laugh even harder.
Because I saw this today:
And this.
And this.
And there's not a reason I can think of to suppress the fact that I enjoyed a Sunday.
P.S.
I also saw this...
...And I'm struggling to determine if it's the ugliest or cutest dog I've ever seen.
This is the day I went via ambulance to the hospital with sepsis! I'm happy that my accommodations were better than yours ! Just came home yesterday so I'm trying to catch up on your trip.
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